I start many posts, and I don't finish many posts. I get ideas to write posts when I'm not near a computer, and then when I'm near a computer I'll forget those ideas. I'll also suddenly want to write posts...when I'm not near a computer, I've lost all of that motivation.
Motivation. I was attempting to explain to my little brother the other day how I often lack the motivation to just. get. things. done. It's such a weird dynamic in my family, because I'm nine years older than him, I am in a completely different time and chapter in my life right now. But, because I'm living at home, and because my siblings and I have always tried to be unequivocally equal in every sense, he often feels that we should be treated the same. This means, if I want to hang out with some friends late after work, he'll think it's ok for him to do the same thing. He doesn't see that 9year gap.
My parents also don't see that 9year gap, but that's another story.
I was thinking of dating this guy. I've had a crush on him for a while, and I recently found out he's looking to get married, so he's been seriously looking for a while now. Which sucks, because I'm not ready to get married yet. I think I'm pretty close, but, obviously, I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now, and getting into a relationship with all of this shit is probably a bad idea. Buuuuut, I don't want to miss this chance! What if we're good for each other? What if this is a guy I could marry? I don't want mess around with him and waste his time, if he's ready to get married, but I don't know how to get around all this shit...I definitely want to be honest and explain everything I'm going through, but I don't want him to feel like I'm using him to get out of something, and I don't want him to feel like I wasted his time, and I don't want to trust someone with all of my heart if it's not going to turn out to be serious. Blagh. What to do??
On another note, I've just gotten the OK to visit my friend and sister this winter!! My friend will be student teaching in Japan, and my older sister is in Korea. I'm not quite talking to my older sister right now, so that should be plenty awkward to live with her for a few weeks, but I'm not concerned. My friend and I will just waltz around Korea by ourselves and use her place to keep our stuff, bahaha! I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to go to Korea, so I want to go now, while my sister is there, so I won't have to pay for a hotel. I'm kind of really excited! I think it'll be good for me to spend some time away from everything and just have a break free of worry.
Yay for a finished post!! :D
No comments:
Post a Comment