After the Fact

Let's be honest, I'm obsessing over the guy. It's been about a day since I found out how he reacted when he learned that I am interested in him, and it's been a crazy day full of thoughts. Thoughts of what could have have been.

I am really glad that I now know where everything stands, but I'm also sad because I obviously wanted him to be available to start something.  While I know I'm not ready for a relationship right now, I don't like the waiting game.  Because that's the other thing, I think this is a waiting game....I'm thinking he'll choose me in the end. I know I'm being a bit cocky, but my mind assumes I'm the better choice, obviously, so it assumes that he's going to find out that he doesn't like the other girl, and then come to me, at which point, I'll be happier, and more prepared to start something as well.  Which would be fine.  But what if he follows through with this girl that he made a commitment to? Blargh.

So, basically, I've been fantasizing, this last day, of what it could have been like if we were dating.  I also have this compulsive itch to check facebook every second that's "reasonable," because that's his only way of communicating with me, and so, of course I have to check it to make sure he hasn't sent me something that I haven't responded to!!

I'm new at this stuff, so can I chalk this up to just being a girl who had her hopes crushed? It's ok to obsess/fantasize about him, right?  I think I'm going to give myself a week or so to be overly obsessed, and then I think I'll naturally back off. By the end of my adventures in Korea, I think I won't be too concerned anymore, though I think it will be in the back of my mind.  Which will be good, because this will put less mental stress on me, if/when I start uni again next semester.

Everything will work out how I need it to, I just don't quite believe that right now.  And I'm starting to realize that's ok, I'm allowed to have those moments of grief, lol.