The Time is Not Right Now

So I finally called my friend! Their conversation went something like this, she had previously told him that there was a girl interested in him, but she didn't tell him his name. So when they started talking last night, before she could start talking, he wanted to make his position clear to her. He's currently looking into a girl right now. Both families have already spoken to each other, and they're considering formally dating. His father is pretty prominent where he lives, so he doesn't want to back out of the arrangement, since he really doesn't know me or if I'm right for him, and he's already made a commitment to this girl.  So he's going to go through with their formal dating, which involves him and the girl talking to one another, with the families' permission.  After getting to know one another, if they think things should move on, they get married. If not, they break things.

It's a bit of a relief, because I was wracked with nerves about the whole thing, and now that everyone knows   how everyone else feels and each others' positions, it's much clearer, and, therefore, better.  My friend suggested that I try looking into other people, and if his arrangement doesn't work out, and I'm still single then we can both try to start something then.  According to her, he was pleasantly surprised that I was the one interested in him, so if things don't work out with what he's in right now, I'll be a possibility, which I like very much. Because, really, I'm not ready for a relationship right now.  This also gives me some time to get my life more on track, towards my eventual goals.  If he ends up marrying that girl, that's awesome for him, and I won't regret not bringing up that I liked him, and if he doesn't marry her, hopefully I'll be in a better place, and more prepared to start a relationship.

Thank God. My friend told me I'd feel much better regardless of what happened, if we started a relationship or not, and she was SO right, this is another thing that I was scared of doing and wanted to run all the way in the other direction from.  The fact that I got myself to do it, through all of the scariness, that I overcame my fears, and that I finished this task, that I followed through with another thing, is confident building. I feel good.  Awkward, but good.