I AM FUCKING BAD ASS AND I CAN DO THIS SHIT.
no...no, i really can't do this! i don't want to!
JUST GET IT THE FUCK OVER AND DO IT!
i'll be cringing in embarrassment forever! nooooooooo!
YOU'LL ONLY FACEPALM FOR A MONTH, TOPS. NIKE. JUST DO IT.
fuck.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Still No Answer
It's been about 12hrs since I've sent that email.....and still no response. I don't want to get crazy, because I realize many things, a few of them being: he may need time, he may have not checked fb yet, it is Saturday, etc, etc. HOWEVER, as I am new to the idea of acting on romantic feelings, I'd like to act like a 15yr old tween. WHY THE FUCK ISN'T HE ON FACEBOOK ALL DAY SO HE CAN ANSWER MY EMAIL??
Friday, February 15, 2013
So Then He Was No Longer Engaged...
OMGFUCKFUCKOHMAGAWD WHAT DID I DO????
Turns out homeboy is (most probably) not engaged....so then I did this:
Turns out homeboy is (most probably) not engaged....so then I did this:
Hey ____!
So, I heard you were single, and I was wondering if this is true, and whether you are interested in maybe seeing if we're compatible? No pressure, lemme know how you feel. :)
Yup.
So, I heard you were single, and I was wondering if this is true, and whether you are interested in maybe seeing if we're compatible? No pressure, lemme know how you feel. :)
Yup.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Time Wasting is an Art
If I am to successfully waste my time, then I need to be interested in more things. I cannot only allow myself to be entertained by certain types of TV shows, because that is all I want to do, watch TV, and only the shows I consider worthy. It becomes annoying at times like this, when I have run out of episodes to watch of the series I like, and no new series have popped up to claim my interest. I have nothing else to do, and I don't want to do any physical tasks, such as clean, so I am left trying to waste time on the web, vainly.
So far, I have:
So far, I have:
- Checked Dramabeans and Dramacrazy
- Deleted only a few of the people-I-will-never-talk-to-again off my Facebook account. It took much longer than I'd been hoping, which is why I only deleted a few.
- Stalked good looking and *successful* men on Facebook.
- Checked Dramabeans and Dramacrazy
- Stalked acquaintances on Facebook.
- Checked Dramabeans and Dramacrazy
- Stalked actual friends on Facebook.
- Checked Dramabeans and Dramacrazy
- Stalked myself on Facebook. (By looking at my own pictures of when I used to be happy and successful....I used to be so happy and successful!!)
- Trolled wedding pictures online.
- Checked Ch131
- Checked Dramabeans and Dramacrazy
- Started reading an article, got bored.
- Read an article about these awesome Muslim American football players that took time off to make the pilgrimage to Meccah; the article was linked by someone on Facebook.
As you can see, I am apparently very limited in what I find interesting; looking into the "inner" worlds of good looking and successful people. If an activity does not include such, then I am instantly bored. Sigh.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Updates
- I'll be leaving for Japan/Korea in 10 days!!!!!!!!!!!! o.0 It's gonna happen, y'all.
- I have to clean before I leave. Yuck. My room, my bed (which I use as a large table to hold all of my food), my car, my clothes. I have been trying to find motivation ALL week. It has yet to be found.
- I've been bored.
- Because I'm not in school, and I only work, I've found myself to be really bored lately. The first couple months, I was ok with wasting my time on the internet, reading, working, and then volunteering a little bit. But now, I feel like I've exhausted all the entertainment I can get out of those. I need to entertain myself in different ways. But this requires effort, so I've just been sleeping more, which is SUPER bad, because that can lead me to feeling cranky and/or depressed. I don't know if this is because I'm itching to start my trip already, if I'm finally (???) ready to start classes again, or a combination of both. I'll definitely be less bored next semester!
- I've been re-admitted, officially.
- I can only take two classes, and they have to be classes I've failed, so I will be re-taking two anthropology classes. I'll have a phone appointment with my advisor next week to sign me up for the classes.
- I have made a plan in which I would unofficially attend other anthro classes, and do all the assignments, and they could then enter me as having taken/completed the class over the summer. This way, I can make a larger dent in those 45 credits that are keeping me from graduation. But I'm scared. In order to do this, I need to go into the anthro department and talk to my professors to ask them for this opportunity. I don't want to! It's so embarrassing and nerve racking to have to go back and ask them for help again! ugh.
- ugh.
- ugh.
- What if I don't follow through? Again?
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Re-admitted!
Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!
So I've been re-admitted into my university! They made it seem like it would be much more of a difficult process than it actually was. I had to fill out an application, including reasons why I would actually pass classes this time, and then go to a meeting with the woman responsible for working with students who have been dismissed more than once. If she believed me, she would let me re-admitted, if not, life would suck.
I filled out the application the night before my meeting, because the meeting was at 9am, and I wasn't sure if I'd wake up early enough to fill it out before hand, I actually didn't procrastinate as much as I could have! Yay me!
So it was with a heavy and disbelieving heart that I sat down to appeal for the last opportunity I would have to move my life forward. What were the right words to write that would convince them of my self-improvement? Having dealt with depression and how it affects my academics for about 5years now, I have become very good at saying the right things and evoking the right emotions to get people to believe me and empathize with me. Don't get me wrong, I actually had problems, and I was VERY nervous talking about anything related to my depression, I did not enjoy the process of asking for second chances at all, but I, unwittingly, had become good at it.
But this was different. This wasn't a second chance, this was a third/fourth/fifth/who-knows-how-many chance. And this was on paper. Written words. At least when I met with my professors, it would show on my face how difficult it was for me to talk about my depression, so they'd be able to see that it was a real issue that affected me seriously, but you can't show emotion so easily on paper. I had to use the exact right combination of words to convince them that taking another chance on me would be worth it, that I would not let them down this time. Ayyyyy. The pressure!
Yeah, so that was a rough 20minutes. I just attacked the sections as best as I could. I was writing with a pen, so I definitely scratched out words many a time, but I let the adrenaline take me where it would. I just started writing words. Words to describe what went wrong, what I did to overcome those problems, and why they should believe that I'm ready now. Words to that would make them empathize without going into too much detail. Words that would make them believe me without feeling like I was glossing over things. Words. Never had the written word been so important.
And that was just part one, I still had to meet with the counselor the next day...
Of course, I managed to oversleep my alarm, (set for 7:30am, since I thought the appointment was at 8am), and I made it to the office, huffing and puffing, exactly at 8:00am. Luckily, I anticipated my oversleeping, and found out my appointment was set for 9am. So I sat around, trying to avoid my past professors and other people I would know, so I wouldn't become a nervous wreck if they decided to start up a conversation with me. First I tried to hide in the bathroom, but as it became busier, I decided to go back to the office and wait for my turn.
When it was finally my turn, she asked the typical pleasantries, I gave her my application, and she started reading. After she was done, she asked me what steps I had taken to get better, what support systems I had, and what I would do if I started having problems again. I think she asked one or two more questions, but I forget what they were. After that, she said I'd be admitted....
....say WHAT???
That was it. After all that anxiety, that's all it took to seal the deal? Apparently so.
Kind of anti-climatic...
Anyways, so she told me what I needed to do to finish the process,( including paying a fee of $100!!), who I should have a meeting with after my re-admittance, and how many classes I'd be able to take (only 2!?!!?). The meeting was over, she gave me a free t-shirt, I think because she felt bad for being late to the meeting, I payed the fee, and turned in the application. I should receive a letter in about a week stating I've been re-admitted, and then I'll officially have done the first step.
I did it. Now I just have to make sure I follow through and pass my classes. It's gonna be about another year in school, which is going to be really hard to maneuver, since my parents think I'll be getting my degree in May. I'm going to have to learn how to make fake degrees.....haha! Oh my life!
So this turned out to be much longer than I was expecting. I originally just wanted to say that I'd been re-admitted, but it ended up becoming an exploration into all the FEELINGS I had before and during the meeting. So if you've read this far, you're awesome!
So I've been re-admitted into my university! They made it seem like it would be much more of a difficult process than it actually was. I had to fill out an application, including reasons why I would actually pass classes this time, and then go to a meeting with the woman responsible for working with students who have been dismissed more than once. If she believed me, she would let me re-admitted, if not, life would suck.
I filled out the application the night before my meeting, because the meeting was at 9am, and I wasn't sure if I'd wake up early enough to fill it out before hand, I actually didn't procrastinate as much as I could have! Yay me!
So it was with a heavy and disbelieving heart that I sat down to appeal for the last opportunity I would have to move my life forward. What were the right words to write that would convince them of my self-improvement? Having dealt with depression and how it affects my academics for about 5years now, I have become very good at saying the right things and evoking the right emotions to get people to believe me and empathize with me. Don't get me wrong, I actually had problems, and I was VERY nervous talking about anything related to my depression, I did not enjoy the process of asking for second chances at all, but I, unwittingly, had become good at it.
But this was different. This wasn't a second chance, this was a third/fourth/fifth/who-knows-how-many chance. And this was on paper. Written words. At least when I met with my professors, it would show on my face how difficult it was for me to talk about my depression, so they'd be able to see that it was a real issue that affected me seriously, but you can't show emotion so easily on paper. I had to use the exact right combination of words to convince them that taking another chance on me would be worth it, that I would not let them down this time. Ayyyyy. The pressure!
Yeah, so that was a rough 20minutes. I just attacked the sections as best as I could. I was writing with a pen, so I definitely scratched out words many a time, but I let the adrenaline take me where it would. I just started writing words. Words to describe what went wrong, what I did to overcome those problems, and why they should believe that I'm ready now. Words to that would make them empathize without going into too much detail. Words that would make them believe me without feeling like I was glossing over things. Words. Never had the written word been so important.
And that was just part one, I still had to meet with the counselor the next day...
Of course, I managed to oversleep my alarm, (set for 7:30am, since I thought the appointment was at 8am), and I made it to the office, huffing and puffing, exactly at 8:00am. Luckily, I anticipated my oversleeping, and found out my appointment was set for 9am. So I sat around, trying to avoid my past professors and other people I would know, so I wouldn't become a nervous wreck if they decided to start up a conversation with me. First I tried to hide in the bathroom, but as it became busier, I decided to go back to the office and wait for my turn.
When it was finally my turn, she asked the typical pleasantries, I gave her my application, and she started reading. After she was done, she asked me what steps I had taken to get better, what support systems I had, and what I would do if I started having problems again. I think she asked one or two more questions, but I forget what they were. After that, she said I'd be admitted....
....say WHAT???
That was it. After all that anxiety, that's all it took to seal the deal? Apparently so.
Kind of anti-climatic...
Anyways, so she told me what I needed to do to finish the process,( including paying a fee of $100!!), who I should have a meeting with after my re-admittance, and how many classes I'd be able to take (only 2!?!!?). The meeting was over, she gave me a free t-shirt, I think because she felt bad for being late to the meeting, I payed the fee, and turned in the application. I should receive a letter in about a week stating I've been re-admitted, and then I'll officially have done the first step.
I did it. Now I just have to make sure I follow through and pass my classes. It's gonna be about another year in school, which is going to be really hard to maneuver, since my parents think I'll be getting my degree in May. I'm going to have to learn how to make fake degrees.....haha! Oh my life!
So this turned out to be much longer than I was expecting. I originally just wanted to say that I'd been re-admitted, but it ended up becoming an exploration into all the FEELINGS I had before and during the meeting. So if you've read this far, you're awesome!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
When Work Gets Annoying
So I'm at work, and my co-worker, A, that I mostly love, is sweet talking with her boyfriend.
It's really annoying.
She's sitting here, right next to me, talking with him, which I mostly don't care about, because I could do my own things, wasting time here on the web. However, she does this weird thing where she looks at me when she thinks she's said something funny, to see my reaction. I'm not interested in their conversation, so I'm not trying to pay attention, so I won't notice if she's said something funny or cute. And yet, she looks at me at least once every 2 minutes, to wink, or smile, or laugh, so I can laugh as well, since I guess I'm her conspirator.
Listen, A, you're talking to your boyfriend, not me. I don't care what you guys are talking about. I don't care that the both of you are being cute and enjoying each other's time. I'm definitely happy for you, but I definitely don't want to be the third person in your conversation. Please leave me out. Okay?
Oh, what? No? You'd like to show off how happy you and cute you are? So you'll continue to do this annoying habit? Well, since I'm a pushover, I'll go with it, and continue to smile and laugh every time you look at me, even though I haven't been paying attention to what you said.
Good times at work!
It's really annoying.
She's sitting here, right next to me, talking with him, which I mostly don't care about, because I could do my own things, wasting time here on the web. However, she does this weird thing where she looks at me when she thinks she's said something funny, to see my reaction. I'm not interested in their conversation, so I'm not trying to pay attention, so I won't notice if she's said something funny or cute. And yet, she looks at me at least once every 2 minutes, to wink, or smile, or laugh, so I can laugh as well, since I guess I'm her conspirator.
Listen, A, you're talking to your boyfriend, not me. I don't care what you guys are talking about. I don't care that the both of you are being cute and enjoying each other's time. I'm definitely happy for you, but I definitely don't want to be the third person in your conversation. Please leave me out. Okay?
Oh, what? No? You'd like to show off how happy you and cute you are? So you'll continue to do this annoying habit? Well, since I'm a pushover, I'll go with it, and continue to smile and laugh every time you look at me, even though I haven't been paying attention to what you said.
Good times at work!
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