Re-admitted!

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!

So I've been re-admitted into my university! They made it seem like it would be much more of a difficult process than it actually was. I had to fill out an application, including reasons why I would actually pass classes this time, and then go to a meeting with the woman responsible for working with students who have been dismissed more than once.  If she believed me, she would let me re-admitted, if not, life would suck.

I filled out the application the night before my meeting, because the meeting was at 9am, and I wasn't sure if I'd wake up early enough to fill it out before hand, I actually didn't procrastinate as much as I could have! Yay me!

So it was with a heavy and disbelieving heart that I sat down to appeal for the last opportunity I would have to move my life forward.  What were the right words to write that would convince them of my self-improvement? Having dealt with depression and how it affects my academics for about 5years now, I have become very good at saying the right things and evoking the right emotions to get people to believe me and empathize with me. Don't get me wrong, I actually had problems, and I was VERY nervous talking about anything related to my depression, I did not enjoy the process of asking for second chances at all, but I, unwittingly, had become good at it.

But this was different. This wasn't a second chance, this was a third/fourth/fifth/who-knows-how-many chance. And this was on paper. Written words. At least when I met with my professors, it would show on my face how difficult it was for me to talk about my depression, so they'd be able to see that it was a real issue that affected me seriously, but you can't show emotion so easily on paper.  I had to use the exact right combination of words to convince them that taking another chance on me would be worth it, that I would not let them down this time. Ayyyyy. The pressure!

Yeah, so that was a rough 20minutes. I just attacked the sections as best as I could.  I was writing with a pen, so I definitely scratched out words many a time, but I let the adrenaline take me where it would. I just started writing words.  Words to describe what went wrong, what I did to overcome those problems, and why they should believe that I'm ready now. Words to that would make them empathize without going into too much detail. Words that would make them believe me without feeling like I was glossing over things. Words. Never had the written word been so important.

And that was just part one, I still had to meet with the counselor the next day...

Of course, I managed to oversleep my alarm, (set for 7:30am, since I thought the appointment was at 8am), and I made it to the office, huffing and puffing, exactly at 8:00am. Luckily, I anticipated my oversleeping, and found out my appointment was set for 9am. So I sat around, trying to avoid my past professors and other people I would know, so I wouldn't become a nervous wreck if they decided to start up a conversation with me. First I tried to hide in the bathroom, but as it became busier, I decided to go back to the office and wait for my turn.

When it was finally my turn, she asked the typical pleasantries, I gave her my application, and she started reading. After she was done, she asked me what steps I had taken to get better, what support systems I had, and what I would do if I started having problems again. I think she asked one or two more questions, but I forget what they were. After that, she said I'd be admitted....

....say WHAT???

That was it. After all that anxiety, that's all it took to seal the deal? Apparently so.

Kind of anti-climatic...

Anyways, so she told me what I needed to do to finish the process,( including paying a fee of $100!!), who I should have a meeting with after my re-admittance, and how many classes I'd be able to take (only 2!?!!?). The meeting was over, she gave me a free t-shirt, I think because she felt bad for being late to the meeting, I payed the fee, and turned in the application. I should receive a letter in about a week stating I've been re-admitted, and then I'll officially have done the first step.

I did it.  Now I just have to make sure I follow through and pass my classes. It's gonna be about another year in school, which is going to be really hard to maneuver, since my parents think I'll be getting my degree in May.  I'm going to have to learn how to make fake degrees.....haha! Oh my life!

So this turned out to be much longer than I was expecting. I originally just wanted to say that I'd been re-admitted, but it ended up becoming an exploration into all the FEELINGS I had before and during the meeting. So if you've read this far, you're awesome!