In an update about my love life-that-actually-never-even-existed-to-begin-with, I'm ok with all of it. There's still this part of me that longs for a relationship, but that part has always been there. I think it's because I feel like I'm really understood by those around me, and I don't feel comfortable trusting the people around me to know all of my faults, so I long for a person that will truly understand and accept me. It would kind of be perfect if that person turned out to be my husband. Hopefully that's not too naive of a wish??
I need to stop eating so much junk food:
Yes, that is, in fact, a WHOLE chocolate cake that I am eating, all by myself.
I talked to my older sister yesterday, since we'll be in Korea in December, and it's about time I discuss details with her. It's kind of awkward, because she talks as though nothing happened, which is fine, I guess. I'm just nervously waiting for that time when we're going to have to talk about EVERYTHING, and when I might get misunderstood again by another person close to me. This is why I just don't communicate with her anymore. I'm a worrier, and I worry about things all the time, so it's just easier to not communicate with her and not worry about our problems. I know that I'm avoiding the problem, but only because she's avoiding the problem. I've tried to force her to work through our issues, and it hasn't worked, so I'm just going to avoid it as well, and not worry about it. Fate has decided to play one of the only Lincoln Park songs she likes on Pandora. Huh. I laugh at you, Fate.
I have to clean the whole store today, and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm supposed to close in 30min, and it takes about 30min to clean and close, so it looks like I'm going to be staying after work cleaning! I feel bad asking them to write down the extra time, since I did about 5 customers today, so I'll just suck it up and clean, then leave.
I was supposed to take a shower today so I could hang out with some friends today, but, I didn't feel like it. So yeah, I'm gonna hibernate at home in my dirty, stinky room! :D
NBA season has started! And because I'm so bored and am doing nothing with my life, I've been watching games, when I usually just start watching around playoffs. But I like basketball, so at least I'm not wandering around over the web-sphere trying in vain to find something to entertain me.
I have to re-apply for admission for my uni, and I have a meeting in 2 weeks to look over my paperwork with an adviser who will let me know if I will be accepted or not. So if I won't be accepted, I'm kind of screwed. I think I'll just see if I can stay in Korea for longer, as an excuse for not being able to finish my crap? Ugh. I dunno. We'll see what happens. Plans. I hate making all these plans that I never follow through on. I guess I take after my father in that. I always hated it when he wouldn't follow through, and then I turned out to do the same.
One of my college friends that also went through depression around the same time that I did wants to chat with me next week. We chat about every two months or so. I like her, and I think I can often give her good advice, but I'm starting to realize that I don't really enjoy talking to her. It feels like a chore. Sigh. This happens to me a lot. I have this thing I call social obligations, during which I force myself to hang out with people, even when it feels like a chore, because I feel that it will at least benefit them.
Lately, I've been making lists in my head about my quirks, and I just want to have someone to tell them to. "I eat pb&j's a lot, I wipe my nose on my sleeve, I can be an impulsive when grocery shopping...etc" I just want someone to KNOW these things about me, basically, longing for that person, again.
So I suppose I should start cleaning now :(
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