Release

I need to find a way to release my emotion. Part of the problem is that I cannot seem to trust anyone with my problems. I can't find anyone I feel comfortable telling my problems....I don't know if they would be able to handle them, or even want to bother with them. I dunno.

So my emotions are kept locked up inside...and then, everrrry once in a while, it comes out, but not quite all the way, so I just continue to feel full to the brim with everything, and also completely alone. Today, I finally got myself down to campus to apply for a late withdrawal, in the hopes that I'll be let back into the university if they cancel my Fs.  I've been avoiding this task for the entire summer, the past 3.5 months. I finally got myself down there, and it turns out I need more fucking paperwork. What. The. Fuck. Thanks, Universe. I left the office, with the full realization that I could continue to avoid this and ruin any last chances I have to graduate somewhat on time.  How long would it take me to force myself to find documentation, and what kind of documentation, dammit? What kind of fucking documentation do I need to explain the vast issues I have that affect my academic life?  All these questions will prevent me from gathering the courage to go back to campus for another 3.5 months. Thank you, fucking Life.

So anyways, I started tearing as I walked back towards my car.  And while I realized the need for a release of my emotions at such a traumatic time, I couldn't. What if people saw me, what if they wondered, what if they questioned me, what if someone I knew saw me??????

And so, I didn't cry. And now I'm here, hating my inability to get anything done.